If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
