States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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