My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
