Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
