they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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