My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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