is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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