id be glad to
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
