Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
