Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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