3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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