so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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