two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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