So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
