so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
