problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
