he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
