how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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