Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
