Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
