FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
