In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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