Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
