I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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