They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
