So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
