Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
