The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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