Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
