come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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