At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
