she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
