All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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