went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
