woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
