Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My dad is sitting where you rode me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
