I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
