remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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