it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
