i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
