summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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