i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
