He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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