I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
