What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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