what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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