can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
