Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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