Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
