She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
