I want to make a zoo with you.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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