Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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