Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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