apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
