I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
