I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
