Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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