Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
