His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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