You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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