Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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