A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just had sex bonerless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm passing your future prison.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize