The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
