Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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