Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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