Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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