My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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