he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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