I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
