I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
