She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
