Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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